Don't Buy Your Child's Love!

Remember Vercua Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? Here is a funny momment!


We all had a laugh watching this scene in the movie and many of us laughed when she fell down the shoot with the "bad eggs". The problem with this is her father would buy everything for her instead of dealing with the issue. Parents who buy presents to "smooth things over" so they do not have to deal with the child screaming are in for a shock as that child gets older. When the child gets older, he or she will start to learn that if a temper tantrum is thrown, he or she will get their way. This will get out of hand and also get expensive.

I mean think about it. A 16 year old girl wants a car. If she asks her parents in a respectful way, she might not get the car. Now, she has been raised all her life getting things bought for her when she throws her temper tantrums. Knowing this, she starts a temper tantrum wanting a car. Her parents, not wanting to hear her scream and yell, buy her a car.

Some might think, she got what she wanted but there are more serious things going on here. The child never learned to share. She never learned to obey her elders. She never learned to have respect for others and she has become very spoiled.

Don't let your child become a Veruca Salt. If your child is throwing temper tantrums and your instinct is to give in for what they want, STOP. Take a deep breath. It is ok to spank your child but please remember to do it out of love and not anger!

A Good Church Home!

One thing that is so important is faith! From early on, Shannon and I discussed faith. We came from different "religions" and of course there were concerns. We started talking about getting married and having children and we really wanted to raise them up how God wanted them raised. We knew we needed to find a church home that we could raise our children in. We found Grace Lutheran Church in Huntington Beach. We attended the ALPHA course they were teaching there. I, being a bass player, joined the Praise Band. We become members. After Haylee was born, it was time for Grace to plant a church. As part of the Praise Band, we decided to go with them. Robinwood Church was born. We recently moved into a new, larger venue. The members of this church have been through the good times and bad with us when we had no income and especially when our girls were born. They are an extended family for us and I can see the benefits in our girls lives already. It has been a blessing to find such a wonderful church home and I encourage everyone to find a good ALPHA teaching, bible-based church to make their home.

Teeth Brushing!

We had a terrible time getting Haylee to either brush her teeth or let us brush her teeth! We have to keep in mind, those little teeth are always cutting in, swelling up, and generally not comfortable. When we stick that toothbrush in there and brush back and forth, we are hitting those swollen gums. It doesn’t feel good. This is why the Lord has us forget the pain of cutting teeth. One thing we started (after her first visit to the dentist) was saying it was time for dentist boy (Me). She totally gets into this. I act like I am the dentist and she is my patient. She tells me her daddy brought her to the dentist but he is waiting in the lobby. She tells me about her day while I brush her teeth. When we are done, I tell her she has perfect looking teeth and to thank her mommy and daddy for doing a great job with her teeth. She says good bye and then asks, are you daddy now? My point is, I have distracted her enough to get her teeth brushed and we do not have to pin her down anymore!

Change Their Diapers Dads!

I know this is a disgusting topic. Trust me I have (very recently) had to change some really explosive diapers. With Sarah, it was so bad, I had her in the kitchen sink spraying her down with the dish sprayer. It is a smelly situation but it does a couple of things. By changing your diapers, your spouse will appreciate the fact that you are not leaving it up to her to change the diapers. It will also help you bond with your little bundle of joy (even if it doesn’t smell like joy) I have two children so far and I have never been grossed out to the point I wouldn’t change them (although there were times I needed to call reinforcements in, Thank you Shannon) This is not just an effective parenting tip, it is a tip from the heart. Bond with your kids by changing them. Dads do not get the bonding of breastfeeding so we need to find other ways to bond. Don’t blow off this important phase in raising your kids!

Selective Hearing!

I remember growing up my mom would only hear things she wanted to hear. I always thought she had a hearing problem until I had kids of my own. Selective hearing is selecting what you want to hear. It is so hard when our kids are saying Daddy, Daddy, Daddy over and over when I am trying to read something or talk to someone on the phone. I have started the selective thing and I don’t like it. Sometimes this is the only way they girls know how to communicate and I am ignoring them. Parents need to listen to their children. There are times the kids need to understand mommy and daddy are busy and they need to wait but sometimes parents use the selective hearing thing too much! Just listen to your kids and chances are they will not do the Daddy, Daddy, Daddy thing!

Be Their Parent, Not Their Friend!

This could be a big mistake. Many parents, especially parents who are divorced, try to make up for the divorce by being the childrens buddy. This could mean less discipline than normal, wanting to hang out together, and eventually losing control of the child as he or she gets older. The child grows not to respect the parents as an authority figure and trouble begins in the house. Just don’t do it. They will respect you more as a parent in the long run!

Men Be Careful

This is directed at guys but women have the same problem. If you are married, do not go behind closed doors with the opposite sex. You are just asking for trouble. I am not just talking about the physical doors. I am also talking about the online doors such as email and chat. There was something that happened to me that if I did not show Shannon what it was, it could have potentially ruined our marriage. I look back now and I realize it was the Lord telling me to show her. If you get emails or chats from other women, either show her or stop it. It is not worth the chance of ruining everything you have worked together so hard for.